Feelings
Introduction
I have been concerned about a societal problem that has been growing since the
1960s, feelings (i.e. emotions) have been elevated in importance above intellect
among a great many people. Recently it has reached the point where people have
subordinated reality itself to how one feels. This
negatively affects marriage, families, politics, civil discourse, and religion,
to name but a few areas. The elevation of our feelings above the welfare of
others is simply the old sin of selfishness. If our feelings are of highest
import, we can justify any behavior simply because of how we feel. Not only
that, but it allows others to control us by simply manipulating our emotions.
Don't be some other human's fool. If you are going to be a fool, be a fool for
God.
Before I continue, it is important to note that the word "feelings" is used in a lot of different ways. I will limit my use of the word "feelings" herein as synonymous with "emotions" and it should not be confused with sensations (e.g. "I feel cold") or a mental sense or intuition (e.g. "I have a feeling you're wrong about that").
The commonly used phrase "follow your heart" is terrible advice, if by "heart" one means "feelings" (as it is most often used). This abandonment of will to fleeting emotion is the source of many societal ills. How many marriages have fallen due to this evil? How many lives have been ruined or lost? When we stand before His judgment throne, God will not leave such unrepented-of self-indulgence unpunished.
Being a slave to our feelings lowers us to the level of animals which respond in an instinctual way to whatever stimuli comes their way. It is bad enough when we react to our feelings in an unthinking way. It is even worse if we make an intentional choice to do so. This is called hedonism. I think a better description is "being self-centered."
Some might argue that we have no control over our emotions. If you mean to say that we cannot control what feelings come over us, that is largely true. But if you mean that we cannot control our behavior because of our emotions, that is wrong and unbiblical. Babies and toddlers have no control over their behavior driven by emotions. But to see an adult without control is both saddening and repugnant. God doesn't excuse wrong behavior for any reason. The elevation of our emotions above reality is to claim to be God. One might expect this of the world, but it has unfortunately crept into the church as well. Herein I will address several areas where our elevation of emotion has warped our understanding of Biblical principles.
I have to admit that though very little herein is new to me, upon deeper reflection it occurred to me that the elevation of feelings has subtly affected my own thoughts in some ways. I suspect that this is true of many believers.
Before I start, though, I want to be clear that I am not promoting the idea of having no emotions. God created our emotions as part of us. He did not make us Vulcans or emotionless machines. We are told to love the Lord our God will all that we are1 - that includes our emotions. However, we are to use our emotions in service of God, not make God subordinate to our emotions. This requires us to subordinate our emotions to our will. Emotions are like a fire; left unchecked, they will grow and consume everything. Our will is the fireplace which holds the flames in check so that they can provide warmth and light without burning our house down.
Are bad feelings sinful?
As mentioned, we do not necessarily have control over what feelings we have. As
CS Lewis once put it, "emotions are things that happen to us." Once they do, how
we respond is what is important. An emotion is not, in itself, a sin. Just
because you find someone attractive and have a temptation to lust is not a sin.
Giving in to that temptation is. Lewis suggests that when emotions come over
us, to thank God for the good ones and ask for the fortitude to not react
inappropriately to the bad ones.
This isn't to say that one cannot feed some emotions. One can fixate on the emotion itself, or whatever is causing that emotion, so that the emotion is reinforced. This is why we should instead fix our eyes on Jesus2 and meditate on those things which are good and worthy of praise.3 By doing so, we feed positive emotions and starve the negative ones. I've also found that if I'm having feelings of anger, resentment, lust, or disgust towards someone, there is no better way of dealing with it than to pray for that person. First, it mortifies my flesh. Second, it helps rewire my mind to think on positive things. And finally, if the source of such thoughts is the enemy then the enemy will stop imparting those thoughts, because praying is the last thing he wants us to do!
Unfortunately, I've met people who think that having a negative emotion is a sin. It isn't. How you respond to it might be. Along the same lines, I've heard of people who think that having a temptation is sin. What a horrible chain they have fashioned for themselves! Even Jesus was tempted.4 Being tempted is not a sin. Giving in to temptation is where the sin lies.
What, then, does the Bible mean when it says to love God with all our heart? Isn't that a requirement for us to feel a certain way? I don't think so. To love God with our emotions is to subordinate our emotions to God's will. Just as we must take every thought captive5 and use it in service of God, we must do the same with our emotions. We cannot control every stray thought that comes our way, nor can control every emotion to comes our way. But when an inappropriate thought comes to mind, we counter it with the truth we know. We ignore it and live according to the Spirit. Likewise, when a feeling comes to us, we ignore it if it doesn't energize us to serve God. We don't disparage ourselves for the stray thought or feeling. We don't make ourselves the center of focus by mentally flogging ourselves for these unwanted intrusions. Instead, we focus on Jesus and pray for those who are associated with such thoughts or feelings. If we have nice feelings, we can thank God for them and even use them to energize us to serve Him while they last. But when they inevitably go away, we don't stop serving God in order to chase after those feelings. We don't use the presence or absence of those feelings to define our spiritual "temperature". Our spiritual state is far more revealed in how we act when we don't have feelings than when we do. This is how we love God with all our heart - by subordinating our feelings and acting as we should regardless of those feelings. Those who chase after feelings - or the experiences that engender those feelings - are abandoned to their flesh rather than to God because they only obey when they feel like it.
Love
Love is perhaps the most misused and most misunderstood of all the attributes
that we associate with emotion. Part of the problem is that the English word
"love" has so many possible meanings. Another part of the problem is that our
undue elevation of emotion has placed romantic feelings near the pinnacle of
human experience so that when we think of "love", that is immediately where our
minds go. But the love of God, which we are to exhibit, is something different.
The Greek word for this kind of love is "agape", which essentially means to
elevate the good of another person above your own. The person who is slave to
feeling says, "but what if I don't feel like doing that?" The thing is,
feelings have nothing to do with it! It is a decision. If you wait to feel
like loving someone, you will do it infrequently, if ever.
I love the way songwriter Don Francisco put it:
Jesus didn't die for you because it was fun,
He hung there for love because it had to be done.
And in spite of the anguish, His word was fulfilled,
'Cause love is not a feeling, its an act of your will.
Godly love means that you make yourself a servant to others. A servant serves regardless of how they feel. A servant doesn't expect to be served. They are not transactional - they don't serve as payment, or in hopes of future repayment. They don't expect thanks. They don't expect gifts. They serve because that is what a servant does. Putting someone else's needs above your own is the very definition of love. It is selfless and it is intentional. This kind of sacrificial self-giving goes against our flesh which desires that its own desires be met. This is the example our Lord Jesus showed us. It should go without saying, however, that love for someone else cannot be placed above love for God - God's commandments are constraints on how we love others. For instance, stealing money to give to a poor person is not love; it is disobedience.
Forgiveness
Just as Godly love is an act of will instead of the "warm fuzzies" of emotion,
forgiveness is also an act of will. If we wait until we feel magnanimous
toward someone who has wronged us, chances are that we will never forgive. We
are to forgive whether or not we feel like it. We do it because God has forgiven
us far worse than anything anyone has done to us. We do it because it is the
example of Jesus. We do it because we choose to do it even when we don't "feel"
like it. It should be noted that forgiveness is rarely a once-and-done event,
but a choice that must be exercised each time we feel the resentment of a past
wrong come over us. And it probably will do so again and again for years.
It is important to recognize what forgiveness is and isn't. It isn't pretending that a wrong has never been done and foolishly trusting a person who is untrustworthy. It isn't a feeling. It is to love someone despite what they have done. That is, to seek their well-being through prayer and action. However, that doesn't mean enabling their bad behavior. It isn't looking down on the person as if they are less righteous than you. It means that you are kind to them, but not necessarily "nice". Kindness is akin to love - it is to meet a person's needs whether it is pleasant to them or not (although we ought to be as pleasant as possible). Niceness is to not give offense at all. The other person's reaction to your kindness may be to take offense, but love must be shown to them regardless - although we should avoid giving unnecessary offense.
Let me illustrate with an example. Let's say you have a friend who is an alcoholic. He comes over to your house for dinner and wants a glass of wine with his food. If you are nice, you will give him what he wants. If you are kind, you will refuse. If you are kind and want to avoid giving unnecessary offense, you will remove any alcohol from the home before he comes so that there is none for him to ask for.
Forgiveness isn't only a choice, it requires activity. Just trying to forget a person or the wrong they've done isn't forgiveness - it is apathy. This activity involves praying for the person at a minimum. But it may require more of you. Is there something you can materially do for the person? You shouldn't avoid this if you have forgiven them. You should not only show grace to the person as God has shown grace to us, but you should make sure they understand the grace you are showing. You may need to confront them about their offense so that they understand the scope of your forgiveness. If they are putting other people in danger, you ought to do what you can to help those people. Perhaps it is a matter of warning the perpetrator or the potential victims. Perhaps it is a matter of reporting to the police. But it is never a matter of doing nothing. If God brought someone into your life that you need to forgive, it is because He has a plan - and that involves working for their ultimate good.
Faith
The Greek word that is
most translated as "faith" covers two aspects: intellectual assent, and trust.
You won't have trust without intellectual assent, but intellectual assent alone
isn't enough. James says "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the
demons believe that - and shudder."6 So, understanding that God is
real and everything that the Bible says is true is nothing more than the faith
that demons have. What is different is the demons do not trust in God for
salvation. It is a sad fact that many Bible believers understand theology very
well but don't live it out - to them it is merely an interesting mental model of things.
Faith isn't a complete lack of doubt, or some feeling that comes over you. Faith is making a choice to do what God tells us to do, regardless of whether or not we have reservations. It is an act of your will to do what needs to be done. We choose whether or not to exercise faith by what we choose to do, how we choose to live, how we talk, and what we choose to think about. It doesn't mean that if we exercise faith that nothing bad will happen to us. The faith is in choosing to do God's will - not faith that doing so will be pleasant. Jesus perfectly lived out His faith, and was tortured and murdered as a result. Our choice, then, is not to have faith that God will work everything out the way we want in the present, but that He will work everything out in the end.
There is a strain of "name it and claim it" believism in some churches that is not scriptural. The idea is that God is required to comply with what we choose to believe. If our idea is consistent with the Bible, then we can expect that God will comply with that, because He has already said that it is His will. But those whose beliefs are not based on scripture will likely find themselves disappointed. A thorough grasp of the Bible is necessary before we start expecting things out of God. That means that we don't take things out of context.
I should also mention that there is a gift of the Holy Spirit called the gift of Faith. It is a separate issue and I may address it in the future. But I'll briefly explain it from an experience earlier in my own life. There was someone that had been diagnosed with cancer. Various people were praying for him. When I prayed for him, I had a sudden assurance that my prayer was answered. In fact, he was declared miraculously cancer free the next week. It wasn't my prayer alone that had this result - I am not the point. But the assurance I had then was the Spirit telling me that it was His will to heal that person. The gift of faith is God giving the assurance to people about many things that seem impossible from a human perspective.
Before receiving the report of the cancer victim's complete healing, there were doubts that assailed me, but I made the choice to thank God for His work of healing. You see, faith isn't the lack of doubt - it is operating according to what God has revealed in spite of doubts. You may not receive an assurance like I did (and incidentally, that was the only time in my life that I've had that kind of assurance about anything). The point is that you must make the choice to tread the path of faith regardless. What we find is that the more we make that choice, the easier it becomes to take the next step of faith. If we wait for our feelings to align, we will never take the first step. You want greater faith? Then make the choice to act in accordance with what scripture says about God. Keep making that choice.
Joy, Happiness, and Contentment
Part of the fruit of the Spirit, as described by Paul is joy. This has led to
some believers thinking that being unhappy is somehow sinful. This, too, is due
to confusing emotions and the Christian walk. Happiness and Joy are not the
same thing, though they may superficially resemble each other.
Happiness is an emotional response to circumstances. For instance, I am happy
that I won the lottery; I am unhappy that my car had a flat tire in the morning.
Obviously, one can be both happy and unhappy at the same time about different
issues. Whether or not one is a generally "happy" person depends upon what
circumstances once focuses on. That is a choice, but it is a choice of how to
enforce an emotional reaction. The opposite of happiness is sorrow. We know
that sorrow is not sinful, since Jesus Himself was called the Man of
Sorrows7.
Joy, on the other hand, is directly related to our relationship with God. When we are in right relationship with our Maker, we experience joy. When we are not, we lack joy. So what is joy? It isn't an emotion. It is a spiritual sense of right relationship. In common usage, happiness and joy are used interchangeably, but this only confuses the issue. I've experienced (and seen others) experience joy and sorrow at the same time, because they are not opposites. The idea that we ought to always be happy is another instance of how feelings have invaded the Christian life in modern western civilization. Of course, one can be happy that one is in right relationship with the Lord. We can be happy that we have been saved and have an eternity of life with Him. But the idea that one should be happy while fighting cancer or during a divorce is sick. But we can be joyful in all circumstances, because joy is not an emotion and therefore not subject to anything in the material realm. Enjoy happiness when it happens, but don't seek after it - that is chasing after the flesh.
On the other hand, don't walk around being morose. Don't seek after sorrow. If someone is suffering, don't castigate them for not being happy. Sit with them in their sorrow. There isn't much to be happy about on this sin-sick cursed world. Even "good" things here are only temporary. In the end it will all burn. But heaven is our permanent future abode. There will be no sorrow there. We can be happy about what awaits us even while being unhappy about the lostness of the people in this world. We can rejoice in what God does - and what He has promised to do. Feelings of happiness, however, are fleeting and chasing after them is a trap that far too many people have fallen into. As soon as one takes a hold of it, happiness flies away.
Some think that contentment is also related to happiness. Some people say "be happy with what you've got". But happiness comes and goes, as I already said. Contentment is being satisfied with our conditions, whether we are happy about them or not. When we are satisfied, we do not seek more. Those who seek more happiness seem never to find it and so the chase never ends. Contentment says to ignore our fleshly desires and accept the lot God has given us. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't seek food if we are starving, or medical care if we are injured. It means that we don't seek after material things beyond what we have, such as money, a bigger house, or a new car. Again, that doesn't mean we don't replace a car that doesn't run (assuming that we even need a car), or that we don't upgrade to a larger house when space is required for a growing family. The problem with desiring more than we need is that we are actually desiring security or happiness that we lack - it simply expresses itself in material things because we are seeking after feelings of security rather than seeking after God. Seeking security in things never brings satisfaction while seeking security in God satisfies our need for security. Security is only found in Him, not in money. So, seek after Him, not feelings. The only thing we ought never to be satisfied with is how close we are to God in this life.
In summary, Joy is a result of relationship with God - the opposite being depression or despondence. Happiness is an emotional response to circumstances, many of which we have no control over - the opposite being sorrow. Contentment is a choice to be satisfied with what we have - the opposite being discontentment, greed, and worldly ambition.
Thankfulness
Being thankful also has nothing to do with feelings, though some think that it
is a feeling. Scripture tells us to be thankful in many places. But it is not
telling us to somehow dredge up a feeling. Thankfulness is a choice that we make,
regardless of how we feel. It means we consider and recognize the good things
that God has done, and is doing, for us; then to purposely thank Him, in our
minds, in our words, and in our songs. And not to be thankful only on occasion, but
at all times. If you are worried about not feeling thankful, you
shouldn't be. But also realize that sometimes our feelings follow our actions.
You may well start feeling thankful when you live a life of intentionally giving
thanks. But if you are withholding thanks because you don't feel thankful, you
are being disobedient.
Righteousness and Repentance
Though most people don't equate righteousness with feelings, I include it here
because it has to do with intentionality. First, though, I must point out that
being righteous is a work of the Holy Spirit - we cannot gain one inch of
righteousness on our effort. On one extreme, we have people trying to be
righteous on their own. The result is either frustration and guilt or a kind
of self-righteousness that doesn't admit the lack of true righteousness. On the
other extreme, there are some that become passive and inert, expecting that God
will sanctify them without any effort on their part.
The reality is between these extremes. The Spirit only, indeed, can sanctify us, but our participation is required. The old nature consistently tries to drag us down from the high calling we have in Christ. We must resist it. Paul likens it to disciplining oneself to compete in sports contests.8 I like the analogy that Watchman Nee uses: it is akin to riding a bike. We must move our legs to peddle and we must maintain our balance, but the bike does all the work and supports us. The Spirit empowers us, but He never forces Himself on us. We must be willing participants and exercise His power in our lives. As Paul says, "...I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me."9 When it stops being the Spirit is when we start to think that it is us doing the work. To work with Christ's power in us means that we never lose sight of the fact that it is His power, and thus we cannot take credit for it - even in our own minds. It means that we follow the Spirit's leading in how and where we exercise His power, which means it has nothing to do with how we feel. It is a conscious and deliberate choice on our part to follow Him and refuse to take any credit.
Repentance is turning our backs on sin and running in the opposite direction. It is a choice that we make which has nothing to do with feelings. There are many that think that repentance is a matter of feeling sorry, or having regret. The fact is that there are many sinners that feel regret for their behavior, yet do not change that behavior. Only Jesus can enable us to repent, but we must make the choice that He enables us to make. Feeling sorry - no matter how sorry - is not repentance. In fact, it is often used as a way for us to try to pay for our own sins rather than accepting the grace of God. The thought is that if we are sorry enough for our sin that God will forgive us. This enables us to keep sinning if only we always regret it afterwards. This is treating God's grace with contempt. It is a work of the flesh to think that anything we can do could possible earn our salvation. It demonstrates that we have not repented at all. Again, it is an act of our will to turn our backs on sin. The longer we wallow around in guilt, the longer we fail to accept the grace freely given to us. The only place that feeling sorry has is if it results in us actually repenting.
Anger
God is recorded as being angry, so anger must be okay, right? Well, sort of.
We are told that God's anger and our anger are not the same. Our anger is an
emotional response to injustice or sin. God's anger accomplishes His will. Our
anger does not.10 As a feeling, our anger is neither good nor bad. Hatred toward
as person is wrong. But anger and hatred are not the same thing. Hatred is not
so much a feeling as a determination by our intellect to think ill of another.
Dwelling on anger toward a person will eventually turn to hatred. But denying
that we are angry, when we are, is denying reality. Scripture says, "in your anger do not sin"11
This tells us that anger is not a sin in itself - but we are not to allow our
anger to take control of our actions. Even hatred is not always wrong. We are
told that to fear God is to hate evil.12 So, we should hate evil. We should
hate it in ourselves, in others, and in the world. But we are not to hate people.
"Hate the sin, not the sinner".
We are also told to rid ourselves of rage13. Rage is anger and hatred that is allowed to take control of our behavior. Outrage is evidence of a person who is abandoned to their flesh. Thus, rage should not happen in a believer. Some might say, "but shouldn't we be outraged at the outrageous?" No, we shouldn't. We ought to utterly hate what is evil, but hatred must never overcome us.
Self-perception
A big stumbling block to many believers are feelings of inferiority, shame, and
guilt. As with other cases, feelings don't always match the reality which is
declared in the Bible. We must ignore these feelings and decide to believe what
scripture says. It tells us that we are new creations14,
adopted children of God Almighty15, whose guilt was
washed away by the blood of Jesus16. Living according to our feelings of
inadequacy renders us useless for the Kingdom. No matter how strong the
feelings, they must never be in the driver's seat of our life. All that such
feelings do is keep you from doing anything for the Kingdom. Waiting to serve
God until you feel sufficiently sanctified means you never will. It means
you have placed your feelings above obedience. In addition, people tend to act
out of their own self-perception. If you perceive yourself as unsanctified, you
are likely to act in unsanctified ways. Letting your feelings, instead of God,
define who you are is simply another way of living according to the flesh instead
of living by the Spirit.
Summary
Feelings come and go like ocean waves. Woe to the person who is under their
control. The Biblical model is that our intellect - not our emotions - is to
control our behavior. And we often find that feelings follow after our behavior.
Some people think that having a very strong emotion is sufficient reason
to give into it, but anyone who is slave to their feelings is not walking in the
Spirit - they are living in the flesh. You cannot be a slave to your emotional
passions and a servant of God at the same time.
If you are enslaved to your feelings, you are unstable and inconsistent. The
opposite is true of those who choose to consistently follow our Lord regardless
of feelings. Chasing after a feeling is like chasing after the breeze - you
never catch it and you avoid your God-given responsibilities while you are trying.
But persistently controlling your behavior in line with the Spirit leads to a
harvest of righteousness, stability of character, and a whole lot less chaos.
Finally, avoid those who claim to be teachers who make emotional appeals. This usually indicates teaching that is lacking in any substance or contains heresy. Seek out people that teach the Bible rather than entertaining you or making you "feel" a particular way. I'm not saying that preaching/teaching cannot be done in a dynamic way, or that it must be spoken in monotone, or that no humor can be incorporated into it. But I'd rather hear ten words with solid Biblical content than ten thousand that are merely to tickle the fancy of my feelings.
1 Mark 12:30
2 Hebrews 12:2
3 Philippians 4:8,
Colossians 3:2
4 Hebrews 4:15
5 2 Corinthians 10:5
6 James 2:19
7 Isaiah 53:3
8 1 Corinthians 9:26-27
9 Colossians 1:29
10 James 1:20
11 Ephesians 4:26
12 Proverbs 9:10
13 Colossians 3:8
14 2 Corinthians 5:17
15 Galatians 4:4-5,
Ephesians 1:5
16 Colossians 2:14